• 27Nov

    Nation Waist-Deep In Soybeans After $30 Trillion Farm Subsidy Bill Accidentally Passed

    EXCERPT: WASHINGTON—Days after the accidental passage of a bill allocating $30 trillion in federal subsidies to soybean producers, a massive tide of the protein-rich legumes has flooded the nation, crippling transportation networks, commerce, and public utilities, and profoundly disrupting American life.

    “Soybeans are everywhere,” Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack said Wednesday, noting that all 406 million acres of arable land in the United States have been converted to soybean cultivation as farmers sought a share of funds worth more than twice the gross domestic product. “Many citizens have shoveled out their driveways only to find that schools and businesses have been shut down. Millions more remain trapped indoors as windblown soybean drifts cover entire houses.”

    “For most, simply getting to the grocery store has become impossible,” Vilsack continued. “Not that grocery stores have much in them besides soybeans at this point.”

    Read the full satire HERE

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